Почему мужчины выбирают жен иностранок или кто сидит на сайтах знакомств

[Snow_Fairy]

Не знаю, к этой ли теме относится, но вот что пишут мужчины на аналогичных сайтах

Whatever you do, DO NOT marry a Russian bride and bring her back to your country. Only live in Russia with her (and you'll NEVER get permission to live in Moscow no matter how much money you have - you'll have to buy train tickets out of Moscow every 3 months to show Russian Police your not living in Moscow - like Russians do who aren't registered in Moscow). -Obviuosly passport-diggers will not marry you and you'll probaby get a nice family-centred woman. If you can't live in Russia forget about a Russian Wife for good!
WHY??
1. From Winston's thread: 2003 US VISA STATS - less than 8% of spouses are still in the US after 1 year!!
1546 K-3 (spouse) entered the USA
70.3% left the USA within 6 months
22.6% left between 6 months to one year
7.1 % lasted more than one year

3889 K-1's (fiancée) entered the USA
54.0% left the USA within 6 months
28.2% left between 6 months to one year
17.7% lasted more than one year


So you want a Russian Wife - Are you Crazy! Well, if you are read on.
The first question to ask is WHY?

1. Because a Russian wife will be beautiful?
There are beautiful women everywhere, where you live, go find one. Shes there and she is not as difficult as marrying a Russian woman I can tell you. Beautiful women dont just fall for beautiful men. They fall for confident men. If you dont have the confidence to date a beautiful local woman then even if you get a beautiful Russian woman. When you get her home, you are going to feel constantly threatened and paranoid. She is going to get some attention and she is going to be a bit of a flirt - flirting is natural in Russian culture - harmless and not a sign of impending infidelity.

Contrary to myth, Russian women are not more beautiful. Some are beautiful many are not. Ive watched carefully around St Petersburg (known as the City of Brides). In fact my wife asked me why I went looking for a woman in Russia after she arrived here, she noted there were plenty of beautiful slim women here. The true reason and the one I told her, is that it was just an accident, a moment of craziness that seems to have turned out really well.

If a beautiful woman is looking outside of Russia for a husband there are a number of reasons for this and they are not all good. Consider this. You will read a lot of stuff about there being X Million more women than men, etc etc. But the fact is that a good, beautiful woman is valuable everywhere and doesnt have to desperately seek outside of her homeland for a husband. That being said, you can get lucky, very lucky (needle in the haystack lucky) - because some of them want a good man, a gentle man, who is confident, self-assured, (not ugly), committed, caring and balanced. It can be more difficult to find such a man anywhere in the world. But again, if you are such a man, you can find such a woman in your own place.

2. Because they make better wives than Western Women.
It depends upon what you think is a good wife. It also depends upon the woman. All women are different. I know a few Russian women. Some are vain, some are shallow, some are demanding, some are dominating, some are psychotic. Sound familiar? Just like American, Australian and English women. If they are over 35 and under 45, it is true that they come from a unique background, raised under communist regime and living through the economic reforms of Russia into the modern high tech world. If they have come through that without major trauma, they are savvy, self-sufficient and not overly spend-thrift women. However, they are strong women (though they appear submissive and feminine) and will drive you hard. These are only the good ones... there are many bad... just track down the divorced Western men. Of course its not fair to blame the women only.. some of the men were just unworthy or acted the big man, knight in shining armour and then when they got the woman home reverted to their little man, drunken and abusive self - expecting that it was ok. Then complaining that the woman changed. They dont make better wives. Its just a fact that, some men find a woman from Russia that happens to blend with them as a wife/husband team.. luck, blind luck and I count myself one of the lucky ones. But I know my wifes friends and I wouldnt want to be married to many of them.

3. They prefer western men.
They dont. My wife would have preferred to remain in Russia and have a Russian husband who spoke her own language. I am just lucky that I was the right kind of man for her and she has fallen in love with me and is a committed and not greedy woman. These women are hard to find anywhere. And your chances of finding one in your own hometown are as good as on the internet dating sites. Disabuse yourself of the notion that just because you are from the west, you will be some kind of dream man. They would mostly all prefer a local man. You are in fact second best option.

4. A relationship with a Russian woman will be easier. WRONG WRONG WRONG. It is in fact far more difficult. Long periods of separation, great expense, misunderstandings and more support and care will be needed on your part than you can possibly imagine. It is really hard work and your whole life will have to give way to her needs for a large amount of time.


SO... If you are not suffering these illusions and still want a Russian wife.. I wonder why. But that is for you to work out. For me... as my wife jokes with me, it was a combination of beer and the internet. I was a little drunk one night, was on a few local internet dating sites, saw an advert on google for a russian wife site, signed up sent a few Expressions of Interest... got a couple of positive responses, sent a brief email to some women... got some standard form responses... and one humorous response. Thought to myself.. this is not for me.. cancelled my membership but sent an email to the humorous respondent... not romantic just joking and kept corresponding until I married the woman.
PART 2

SO.. if you must carry one.. here is what to expect:

SCAMMERS - This game attracts a lot of men desperate for love and vulnerable - for different reasons: shy, ugly, unconfident, dreamers, guys sucked in by the fantasies of Russias perfect wives, fools and those who have decided their lack of a mate is the fault of the women around them. The dating game is hard anywhere in the modern world, so it seems easier with the fantasy and illusion of desperate beautiful women just wanting a husband that the dating sites portray. A terrible lie it is. So, these vulnerable men (learn to recognise your own vulnerabilities is a key to life as well as this game) are perfect targets for dating agencies that want you to pay for each message with a woman, or just scammers using fake profiles.. inevitably, some crisis evolves and money is required to be urgently sent. HERE YOU WILL FIND GUYS THAT CAN HELP YOU SPOT THE SCAMMERS EASILY. ASK ASK ASK... DONT WONDER, JUST ASK HERE and you will find the most amazing resource of experience and knowledge.

DISSAPPOINTMENT - the real women are just as fussy as you are... they will look at your photo and say no thanks, they will send a few emails and then just drop off the planet, they will arrange to meet you and then not show up. They will tell lies about their life, they will change from one meeting to the next.

EXPENSE: At first, its ok, a good agency doesnt cost the earth... for top membership maybe a few hundred dollars for 3 months or months. It shows the girls you are serious I guess. Your internet plan should cover most of the communication costs... your phone bill can be contained by a good phone plan. You send flowers for $60 or $80 to the major cities (again, show you are romantic is not a bad thing and everyone loves flowers). But, if you are going to be a real man to these women and not just some endless internet chatter and dreamer, you have to let her know that you are ready to come visit her if things seem to be clicking between you. This is where the dollars come in. My first trip to meet my wife in Prague and then part 2 of the trip back to St Petersburg cost me $10,000. You can be cheaper than this I am sure, but I got a nice hotel in Prague, we did all the cool tourist things, ate out (Prague is not a cheap city), I paid for everything (my sense of honour I guess). Airfares from Australia are expensive to anywhere!! If you are really serious (and in my view it is necessary) you need to follow up quickly with a couple more meetings. I found half way place (vietnam) to meet my wife second and third times. Its all $5000 a meeting minimum, then there is the immigration fees, in Australia its going to costs you a few thousand to get it all up and running, courier fees, application fees, getting this document, that document etc. Then the airfares to bring her here. And importantly, you have to make provision for her to leave again... if you really are a good guy, you will give her the means to return to her former life. Remember she will give up her job, possibly apartment etc to come to your life. Its not just the airfare home.. its starting up a life again. I estimated and gave my wife access to about 8 months of her former salary and called it her runaway fund and she had a return airfare booked, fully changeable if she needed it. So, I laugh at her and tell her sometimes that she is an expensive wife.. having cost me close to $50,000.

THIS IS NOT A POOR MANS GAME... If you dont have the dough, dont go... love aint enough (and in reality, love will only arrive in the real sense once you are together, so hopefully you both chose wisely and compatibly so it doesnt end in tears).

UNCERTAINTY - You cannot really know a person in 5 days, or over the internet, or even through 5 weeks of 24/7 meetings (as was the case with my wife and I). You can be infatuated, attracted, feel compatible - but until you live together, day in day out in the normal grind of life, with you going to work, with normal life pressures and the tensions of a normal relationship, you cant really know if this person is totally right for you. Nor can you be in love... love is deep and serious and comes with a deep trust in each other... it just takes time. No one is really themselves during courtship.. the real person comes out as you become more comfortable with each other and relax into the relationship. If you are lucky and were not choosing the person for the wrong reasons (i.e. dazzled by her youth, beauty and elegant styling or even just her sexual accommodation) then you will love each other when you find the real people.

LONELINESS AND HEARTACHE: So you found the one... whoopee for you. Great, so you want to be with her... ha! Not so fast and not so easy. You now gotta go through the most tortuous and difficult part of all of this. You are going to be alone. You are going to have a few awful good byes at Airports with a woman you just want to spend every day and every night with.. I hated those goodbyes.. it sunk right into my soul and was black as the ace of spades... You get home and you are back to skyping and emailing and SMSs. Only the video skyping made it remotely tolerable.. But you are going to go to sleep each night (assuming you are honourable and faithful) alone in your bed, without the woman you profess to love. Its going to go on for weeks and weeks and months at a time. Some people have had 2 years between initial contact and their partners arriving in their country. Can you handle that? This game is not a quick fix for I WANT A WIFE. In fact, it is the slowest fix.

YOUR SEX LIFE WILL BE NON-EXISTENT - apart from those minimal times you are able to be in the same country.. again assuming you are an honourable and faithful man, once you commit to this woman, there are going to be long periods of no bed sports. So stop looking at pictures of beautiful Russian women and thinking that your sex life will be great. You are about to enter a long drought with occassional showers.

YOUR LIFE WILL BECOME A TIME ZONE HELL - depending on time zone difference, from an Australian perspective, she will wake up at about 3pm your time and have to soon after go to work. She will be at work until about midnight. Your whole daily routine will become a hell. Wake up at 3 or 4 or 5am just to have a little video time with her before she goes to bed. Weekends become all about her. Your social life suffers, your sleep patterns suffer - its just no fun at all.

SO YOU MADE IT THIS FAR... SHE ARRIVES.. WHAT JOY... WELL MAYBE
An initial euphoria of finally being able to be together will soon give way to her sense of isolation.. you are (as a great guy on this forum puts it) her whole world now. She misses her home, her friends, her family, her job, her familiar surrounds, sounds and sights. Everything is strange, she cant understand the fast talking native speakers of your language, she doesnt know many of the brands of goods for sale, she cant understand you half the time. She suffers loneliness, depression, anxiety and isolation. Its tough for her... she has to start life all over again. If you arent there to make it ok, then your relationship is going to deteriorate quickly. So your life remains focussed on her. She is like a child and you have to help her understand the world she now lives in. She can react in a number of different ways to all this... some of them are destructive and overwhelming. You have to devote your life to her... she has to know she can depend on one thing... YOU. Its exhausting.. but if you are the right kind of guy, it is also very fulfilling.

YOU are her guide, her teacher, her interpreter, her navigator, her lawyer, her fashion adviser, her cultural instructor, her chaffeur, her secretary, administrator, financial adviser. You have to help her with so many things it can become very tiresome. SHE NEEDS YOU and if you are lazy, uncaring or selfish... YOU ARE BOTH DOOMED in the relationship. Dont doubt it, this is one of the toughest things you will ever have to do.

STILL WANT A RUSSIAN WIFE? THEN YOU ARE AS CRAZY AS ME.. WELCOME TO THE CLUB. HERE AT RMP YOU WILL FIND A LOT OF CRAZY PEOPLE JUST LIKE ME AND WE ARE HAPPY TO HELP - BECAUSE WE UNDERSTAND WHAT IT TAKES TO SURVIVE.

[LanaBB]

Snow_Fairy спасибо ! Рациональный северный подход.

[Snow_Fairy]

Ага, мне кажется там отражены все те же самые беспокойства, которые девушки выражают на русских форумах, только с мужской стороны.

[Gabbiano]

Еще бы понять о чем вообще речь... Зачем постить статьи и новости на русскоязычных форумах на другом языке? или по умолчанию все пользователи владеют английским свободно? Ну давайте я сюда запощу на итальянском тоже самое и что? Кто это поймет? Давайте все-таки как-то о других тоже думать. мне вобщем-то все равно, я это пролистнула потому как английским не владею совсем, да и многие читающие сомневаюсь что владеют им на должном уровне, чтобы переводить километровые простыни а потом здесь писать свое мнение. если пишете что-то такое, будьте любезны перевод. Никому не в обиду. А то можно и китайские и индийские форумы сюда начать качать. Их мнения тоже существуют, они тоже мужчины

[Snow_Fairy]

Зачем постить статьи и новости на русскоязычных форумах на другом языке? или по умолчанию все пользователи владеют английским свободно? Ну давайте я сюда запощу на итальянском тоже самое и что? Кто это поймет? Давайте все-таки как-то о других тоже думать.

Gabbiano, Это просто потому что мужчины на соответствующих мужских форумах русским не владеют, поэтому пишут по-английски. Ну не существует мужских форумов на эту тему на русском, что я могу сделать? Я бы перевела, но времени нету, уж простите. Если бы Вы запостили что-то на итальянском, я бы прочитала что смогла, а что не смогла оставила бы. В конце концов, на этом форуме не каждому интересны все рубрики. Я читаю что интересно мне, а что не интересно, пропускаю. И ни к кому у меня нет претензий, почему они пишут о том, что лично мне не интересно или чего лично я не понимаю. Потому что и по-русски можно писать про вещи о которых я понятия не имею. Вот девочки писали про всякие абаи и шариатские законы, а я в этом полный ноль. Так что, мне надо было возмущаться зачем они это пишут, если Я не понимаю, о чем они?

[Lg E]

Ну кто может ..... У кого позволяет время и знания ..... Пожалуйста перевод сделайте. Интересно же чо там думают мужчины :)

[Миа]

прочитала ..что не поняла- с помощью переводчика ..
по-моему мужик все правильно пишет ...
думаю это письмо надо каждому кандидату показывать, чтобы знал на что идет
правда суммы в 50 000 конечно круто потраченные, но он сам признается, выбирал лучшие отели в праге и вьетнаме для встреч
и вообще не жалел и цветы по инету присылал и прочее ...
а все трудности нормально написал, и про расставания ...
вот только про флрит не поняла))
типа все русские женщины любят флиртовать с другими, а он чуть не стал параноиком от ревности?

[Afina]

Ага, мне кажется там отражены все те же самые беспокойства, которые девушки выражают на русских форумах, только с мужской стороны.

главное чтобы мужчины читали такие статьи. И не только читали, но и чтобы после прочитанного у них в голове откладывалось.

[Fern]

правда суммы в 50 000 конечно круто потраченные, но он сам признается, выбирал лучшие отели в Праге и Вьетнаме для встреч
и вообще не жалел и цветы по инету присылал и прочее ...

Почему? За год - полтора так и получится. Любая поездка на неделю выливается в тысяч 5-10 (до 2-х тыс. его билеты с другого континента, долларов 500 для девушки, отель на неделю, например в той же Франции, от 250 евро за ночь - итого еще почти 2 тыс. минимум, рестораны, достопримечательности, экскурсии...) Я не спорю, возможны разные варианты, но то что девушки из БССР в качестве жен не дешевое удовольствие - согласна. Потом еще оформление документов... Но раз он пошел на это, значит все-таки что-то его привлекло в жене больше, чем в "дешевых" соотечественницах.

[TataCam]

Lyubava, прошу прекратить переходить на личности!
Snow_Fairy, уже неоднократно были просьбы не постить тексты на других языках кроме русского без перевода, тем более когда текста много.
Если есть желание поделится подобной информацией, но перевода нет или лень его делать, достаточно вкратце рассказать смысл, а более интересные на Ваш взгляд моменты подчеркнуть цитатами с переводом. В конце поставить ссылку на полный текст в оригинале, для тех желающих, кто захочет ознакомится с текстом в полном объеме.
Прошу Вас уважать ВСЕХ посетителей форума в независимости от их знаний иностранных языков. Не у всех есть возможность по разным причинам вбивать вест текст в переводчик и так далее.